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Chapters

I group poems corresponding to chapters of my life.

Chapter 1: Crickets and Storm Clouds

(138 poems written between March 2010 and September 2010)

The six months of haiku in this chapter chronicle my life and my feelings as I dealt with some painful experiences. During this time I grew emotionally, I learned a lot about the world, and I became close to new friends. By the end of this trying time, I realized important truths about myself, about love, and about loneliness.

Chapter 2: The Wind Begins

(156 poems written between September 2010 and February 2011)

During the five months I wrote these haiku, I found myself drawn to elemental energies. In particular, I felt the wind. Scientifically, wind is the mixing of different bodies of air as they rise and fall. To me, wind is about change, serendipity, opportunity, and renewal. Air is essential in our lives, and it is frequently taken for granted. There’s a lightness to air, and similarly there’s a lightness in many of these poems. This chapter is about my spirit reconnecting with nature and the world. It is in this chapter that my spirit breathes again, mixing energy and life back into me.

Chapter 3: Spring Flowers

(115 poems written between March 2011 and July 2011)

The Spring of 2011 was a wonderful time for me: I found a new love, I found Peace for a while, and I felt a renewed connection to family, friends, and nature. My positive and optimistic mind carried out into the world, and these poems are a history and glimpse of this beautiful time.

Chapter 4: Lost in the Maze

(95 poems written between July 2011 and July 2012)

The Spring and all it’s beauty had passed, and in it’s place I found an increasingly troubled mind. The relationship I had so strongly yearned for had broken apart, I faced wave after wave of layoffs where I saw my friends leave, and the home I thought I found started to feel flimsy. These challenges affected my words, as well as my productivity. I wrote far fewer poems in this time; a few less than 100 poems over the course of an entire year.

Chapter 5: Struggles in Moonlight

(95 poems written between July 2011 and July 2012)

65 poems in 16 months… This was a hard and emotionally draining time for me. Another relationship failed, I secretly slept in a hammock in an art studio when everyone left, and eventually – I gave up my Bodhi for adoption. It was an extremely trying time, but it was very beneficial to me. Ultimately, I found myself with nothing to lose, and ironically, I ended up gaining so much.

Some of my most favorite poems are in this chapter. Even though I can almost still feel the aches and pains from when I slept in the back of my truck a few times during these months, I still can’t help but smile. After all, as my Lily told me while I was falling in love with her: “You aren’t homeless, just temporarily house-less. You bring your home with you.” My response was a deep embrace.

Chapter 6: Eyes Wide in Light

(100 poems written between December 2013 and August 2014)

The nine months and 100 poems of this chapter are filled with so many memories. I found the security to explore, and write about, aspects of my sexuality during this time. New friends welcomed me into their lives and hearts, which felt so wonderful after the trying times preceding these. The time was a pleasant, and most vibrant, dance under the stars.

Chapter 7: Light and Fog

(100 poems written between August 2014 and February 2015)

This period started with me exploring a polyamorous relationship, and it ended with the relationship’s dissolution. Although it does chronicle some of the great joy and sadness I experienced during this time, this chapter of poems is more than just a documentation of history. During this period I experimented with new forms and techniques in my poetry, while I personally experimented with alternative relationship structures.

The excitement of this time was also temporarily soured by a pharmacological depression. At the end of this chapter, I said goodbye to some of the factors that had become a drain on not only my mental health, but of the health and well being of those that I loved as well. Although I do not care to believe in regret, I will say that the lessons I learned from the experiences of this chapter will never be forgotten.

Chapter 8: Clear Morning

(91 poems written between February 2015 and June 2015)

A restart – a reboot. In these 91 poems, written over a period of six months, I try to regain my footing and right myself. Ironically, this period ended with a new challenge; I was laid off.

I wanted a fresh start, and the universe delivered more than I bargained for. I wanted to complete my New Year’s resolution of ‘finding another job,’ while I still had the security of the job I wanted to leave… Oh well!

Chapter 9: Inward Motion

(133 poems written between June 2015 and March 2016)

During these ten months, I was constantly moving and continually searching – for work, love, and peace. I labored at one brother’s home, and I babysat another brother’s newborn. Without a job, I had the time available to focus my attention as I desired, even if other desires added distractions. Ultimately, I forged stronger connections between my mind, body, and spirit, and I walked with confidence.

Chapter 10: Sublime Reality

(113 poems written between March 2016 and June 2017)

In a period of a little more than a year, so much changed–but also so little. We moved from Washington D.C. to Durham, North Carolina, but we didn’t leave trouble behind. Harsh truths were met with as much optimism as I could muster. My old truck was breaking down, freelance was grinding me down, my mind was opening to the beauty of my new world.

My joy was bolstered by an addition to the family: Dash. My heart grew with her as she grew to love her new home, but still, my polyamorous nature lead to feelings of being incomplete.

Chapter 11: Eclipse

(43 Poems from June 2017 to September 2017)

I felt optimistic in my efforts to create connections in my new city, but the larger world was rocked by terrorism and destruction. Troubles brought an old friend back into my life, and an unexpected relationship blossomed. Complications grew, as did stress, and a shadow started to envelop me.

Chapter 12: The Deep Dark

(1 poem between September 2017 and February 2019)

A whole year transpired without poetry, and then I resurrected my energy. It was hard, complicated, and exhausting.

I survived.

Chapter 13: Whirlwinds

(76 poems written between February 2019 and February 2020)

Once I began to feel free again, the world opened to me in new ways. The excitement of a potential relationship brought me great joy, but it also revealed to me new insights into my priorities.

Friends grew close and apart, but with my partners by my side, my happiness found new heights.

Chapter 14: Days of Daze

(6 poems written between February 2020 and December 2020)

The period of my family’s highest anxieties during the COVID-19 pandemic left me struggling, but a few poems found their way out of me.

Chapter 15: ?

(? poems written between December 2020 and ?)

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